April 15

So this week has been pretty hectic around the Michael house.

Mr Man has been actually enjoying tummy time lately. Thank the heavens! Here's a little more on what he does (even though I sorta posted on it the other day). I can't help it! He just amazes me, I'm so happy and proud!
He's so so close to rolling over from his tummy to his back (he can roll from back to tummy for a few weeks now). When on his back now he loves to kick the ground with his heals. He actually worked up a bit of a clammy head the other night because he was having so much fun doing it. He does this thing now where he digs in his heals to the ground, pushes off and scoots around on his back. Its so cute haha. I just laugh at him and marvel at how he learns.

While on his tummy he's doing some rocking. He's trying so hard to scrunch up his legs under him and push with them. Just when he does it he tries to stuff his hands in his mouth at the same time, its so cute. Once he figures out something more effective to do with his arms (like pull or push up with them) I'm pretty sure we're gonna have a beginner crawler on our hands.

We've also been practicing sitting. He can't pull himself up yet, so I get him seated and then he tries to stay that way without tipping over. He's getting stronger.

He has so much personality - he's so bubbly and smiley. He's such a good little guy and truly a happy baby.
I tell Sam all the time how blessed we are to have such a wonderful, happy and healthy little dude.

As far as nighttime goes, I've been working on weaning him from his nighttime feedings. It doesn't seem like he really 'needs' them. All that happens is he winds up with a monster wet diaper (seriously, they feel like 5lb diapers). Its like the milk just goes in/out instead of being 'used' by his body for growth/nutrition like he does during the day (diapers are much less wet). He honestly seems fine with it.
For the times I don't feed him when he wakes at night, he just fusses a little, needs his pacifier again and a little rub on his head from me. Just that reassurance that mommy is there and loving him. He heads right back to sleep. I feed him ~1x per night now, when its obvious that is what he's wanting.

His new high chair arrived today - will post some pics/thoughts tomorrow. Thumbs up though!

I went to some doctor appointments this week. I found a new OB/GYN (more on this later), a family practice dr, got xrays taken of my hips/pelvis today, will likely need to work with orthopedics and will head back for another round of physical therapy. All this is for my hips. They've been increasingly painful for me in recent weeks and now that I'm not pregnant, hopefully they can figure out truly what happened and how best to fix it.
I told my doctors that I'd like to start trying for baby #2 at the end of this year or early next year and want my body to be ready to do so.  I'm ready and motivated to do what I need to do to feel better and fix whatever is wrong with my hips/pelvis etc.  So we'll see how all this goes!

Mr Man is a Movin' and a Shakin'

I had Mr Man up in his room this afternoon and we were playing on the floor. I had him laying on his back and all of a sudden he started arching his back up, digging in with his heels and scooting his body backwards.  He did this sort of reverse crawl for about oh, 1 ft or so.

WOW.  And he repeated it numerous times!

Then later on I had him on his tummy and he managed to scoot himself backwards a few inches - maybe 4-5".
While on his tummy he does the whole rocking thing. I think with a little more learning and coordination this little dude is gonna be scooting around.

Lord help me.

And I better call the Stanley Steemer folks pronto.  Like...tomorrow.

WTB Sleep

So Mr Man has been on the same sleeping/eating schedule at night pretty much since he was about 2 months old. He'd go down for about 3-4 hours, then wake up and nurse about every 2-3 hours. This lasts for about 12 hours.  Since his bedtime is around 8PM, I'd go to bed around midnight or so. This means I get around 6ish hours sleep. I'm exhausted as I don't do well on that little sleep.

After talking with some family I decided to see if we could skip Mr Man's nighttime feedings and see if that will help him sleep through the night. I noticed over the last few months that at night, all the milk he nurses just goes right through him to a very heavy (like 5 lb) diaper. Doesn't seem like he's 'using' the milk for metabolism and growth like he does during the daytime. Don't yell at me over the science here. Basically what I'm trying to say is, he doesn't really 'need' the milk - its just quality mommy time that he wants.

So last night I decided to try this out. I put him down around 8pm.  He woke at 10 needing his pacifier, went back to sleep.  Woke ~1am, gave him his pacifier and rubbed his head like he loves. He barely even winced - just went right back to sleep.  He woke ~3am - I fed him here because I was pretty engorged at that point and was so tired I didn't want to go downstairs to pump.  He woke ~6 am. I changed his diaper - since I had fed him around 3.
When I did that, I noticed his little legs were chilly. I hadn't put him in a sleep sack last night as it was fairly warm upstairs in the room. However, before he went to bed (which was after me) Sam cranked up the A/C.  Poor little Mr Man was chilly and fussy from being cold.  So, I picked him up out of his bassinet (he co-sleeps in that next to the bed) and held him in my arms. I propped up a bunch of pillows behind me and went to sleep sitting up (like old times) with Mr Man sleeping soundly and as warm as a little bug snug in his rug.  We woke up around 8:45 and Mr Man had some mommy-moo breakfast. 

Not bad for the first night. He got 1 feeding and never really even fussed anymore w/o feedings than he would when I would nurse him. We'll see how it goes tonight again.

Loss: Acknowledgment and Healing. Or so I hope.

After reading some other blogs of mommies who have babies in heaven it brings back some memories that are sorta tough and that I sadly don't like to bring up or acknowledge. In Oct 2008 I miscarried my first baby. It was early, very very early in the pregnancy.  So early that I've tried to 'discount it' when I did have to talk about it to my doctors. But in private, I still get weepy thinking about it. I never even talked about it to family or friends really until recently and even then, I sorta just brush it off.  And then later that day my conscious will kill me about brushing off such a thing.  And then I cry.

Here's my story, I'm putting it to words to not only acknowledge what happened but to be more at peace with it as well. I suppose you could say that the Lord was merciful in that I didn't have to have the procedure to remove the fetus (which would have broken my heart more). Instead my body removed it on its own, which was painful, in more ways than one. That is actually what led me to the doctor.

So, I'd had a period a couple weeks prior as normal. Then sort of out of the blue, I started having really, really bad cramps and abdominal pain like I'd never had before. I had this strange urge to go to the bathroom and when I did, I had this burning pain and a lot of blood. When I looked down, I saw this little bean shaped thing probably the size of a lentil. It sort of looked like a blood clot...but different. Something inside of me, in my heart, ached an ache I never had felt before.  I bled a little more and still felt pretty ill, so I called my doctor.

They got me in right away and asked if I could be pregnant. I wasn't sure, I mean we weren't trying per se but we we also weren't preventing. He did a urine test. It was positive. A rush of emotions filled me. First came panic - what had happened to me in the bathroom? Was it a miscarriage? Was it an ectopic pregnancy? Was this accurate? Then came that joy: oohh, pregnant! Yay!
I tried to keep a level head and my doctor and I spoke about some possibilities and it kept coming back to the opinion that he was pretty sure that I'd had a miscarriage or what he termed: a spontaneous abortion (aka my body had killed it just as soon as it had formed).

Naturally, I say: but the test just showed positive?!  He said that the hormones in my body via the urine test would linger for a day or two even after miscarrying. He asked me to come back in 2 days to do a blood draw for a definitive determination.

I made up my mind to not try to get excited or say anything to anyone outside of Sam for fear that it might have been a miscarriage and I wouldn't want anyone else to ride that emotional rollercoaster.

The next couple days were pretty emotional and stressful. I wasn't sure what to feel. I kept trying to keep myself occupied so I wouldn't think about it. Friday morning came and I went over for the blood draw. I went home and tried to keep my mind off of it all.  They'd know the results by Monday sometime they said.
I got a phone call Saturday morning from the doctor. He was gentle but blunt, the result was: Not Pregnant. He said I'd likely miscarried as we had discussed.

I spent the day sad, teary and wondering what had gone so wrong. It was way to early to find out the sex or to feel anything.  After all, in reality, I had just barely even been pregnant. He figures at best, I was 3-4 weeks, possibly even less.  But to know that I had been and was no longer and to recall what I had seen in the bathroom was just overwhelming and so sad.

So I did what many do when something awful happens. I blocked it out, pretended it didn't happen and moved on.

Except that during quiet times I'd think about it.

Even after I got pregnant with Mr Man, I thought about it (in fact, my entire first trimester I lived in fear and in a mild state of panic that I'd miscarry).
I still think about that miscarriage and that baby. I never got to know was it a boy or a girl and that honestly haunts me. In one way I'm glad I don't know, because if I had known the sex it'd mean that I miscarried much later and what an even more tragic and horrid experience that would have been. But at the same time, I don't know really what to mourn besides a 'bean'. A life. I'm not sure if that makes sense to anyone but me.

I feel bad even now thinking about it. I feel bad that if I mourn that loss or wish that I hadn't miscarried, it would mean that I wouldn't have my Mr Man. And I cannot imagine being without my precious little boy.  But all the same, I'm still sad in the quiet times when I'm alone with my thoughts.

I am over the moon for the child I have and wouldn't trade him for anything. I love him more than I could ever express. I'm happy for what I have and hopeful for another (or two?) in the future. But I think now, I'm at peace with the fact that its okay to remember and even to be sad a little. That me being sad about what I lost doesn't diminish what I have. In fact, maybe it makes me even more thankful.

10 Things I Love About Mr Man

1. I love that he's such a smiley happy guy.
2. I love the little sounds he makes when he nurses.
3. I love the face he makes when he sees Sam. Pure love right there folks.
4. I love that while nursing one hand flails around and the other holds me tight.
5. I love the face that he makes when I gently blow on his face.
6. I love his little grunts and squeaks and squaks.
7. I love his fuzzy little head.
8. I love the faces he makes and the way he furrows his brow when when learning new things.
9. I love that he's perfect, healthy and silly.
10. I love that he's my son.

Susan G. Komen Global Race for the Cure run/walk

So some co-workers are doing the annual Susan G. Komen Global Race for the Cure run/walk. I've chosen to walk with Mr Man.  The ‘Race’ is a 3.1 mile run/walk that will take place on June 5, 2010 at the National Mall in Washington, D.C. 

A little about the walk:
Up to 75 percent of the Komen Global Race's net income stays in the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area to fund local screening, treatment and education programs for the medically under-served. The remaining dollars support the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Global Promise Fund, a program which is dedicated to reaching under-served people in areas where breast cancer mortality rates are the highest.

Every dollar makes a difference:
$100 could be used to provide one mammogram
$250 could be used to cover five clinical breast exams
$500 could be used to provide five diagnostic ultrasounds
$1000 could be used to provide 10 mammograms

I've set my personal goal at $125. So I need your help. You can give online at GlobalRacefortheCure.org or if you'd like to make a donation via my team you can go here. You can search via my name (Jennifer Michael) or our team (BRCAlators).

Our team name, BRCAlators, was conceived by a distinguished team member, Dr. Douglas Auld. BRCA (Breast Cancer gene 1 and 2). Mutations of the BRCA gene are one of many ways that make an individual more susceptible to develop breast cancer.

I've been out taking daily walks with Mr Man in his new stroller. As an aside, we got it a couple weeks back and so far I really like it. Very lightweight, easy to get into the trunk, should travel well on the plane and the thing I wanted most is that it reclines fully and if needed, will accept Mr Man's car-seat. I digress...


So that's what I'm gearing up for and hopefully it should be real fun.

Easter weekend

Well for Valentine's day, my step-dad gave my mom a set of plane tickets to come spend Easter with us. I was so excited (thanks Don)! She arrived Thursday evening and I set her right into the thick of being grandma and all that there is to do with Mr Man.  I had her diaper, feed him (haha, but more on that later), bathe him and generally smoosh him with love and affection. Then Friday we went to a baby store out here and then out to this huge outlet mall to get more things for Mr Man. 

Mr Man got hooked up! Bigtime!

So while we were out, we did find these little extenders for onsies that are really great. He's able to wear 9month clothes now - even though most of his 6mo outfits still fit. They're fine around, just a little on the short side. I think these little extenders will help fill that gap so he can keep wearing his clothes even longer.

We also went to this neat little store my mom was super excited about. Its called Penzeys Spices. They have all sorts of great spices at pretty good prices I must say - about the same as the grocery market but oh so much more 'oomph'.

We had a great time on Easter over at Sam's sister's house with their 5 kiddos. Sam's mom was there and made a wonderful lamb dish. I had never tried lamb prior to that. Everyone always says how "gamey" it tastes and that its an acquired taste.  Honestly, I thought it tasted great. No gamey-ness to me. I mean it didn't taste like any sort of meat like I'd had prior but I guess maybe I thought gamey to be like...grassy or something I dunno.


So about Mr Man and feedings.  
He still nurses about 95% of the time now. I try to feed him 1 meal per day of 'solids.' Lately this has been a lot harder. First off, he's so interested in everything around him during the day, he will hardly even nurse. He just wants to look around at everything.  He'll take a couple slurps, turn his head up to me, smile and start to giggle then look around or look behind him.
Recently, just within the last week or so, he has figured out how to do 'raspberries'. Now of course, naturally, the first few times he did these I was so proud and thought it was so cute. So I cheered and giggled and enjoyed it.  Then, he began doing them while eating his solids. I quickly learned I needed to feed him fast and feed him his favorite foods so that he doesn't try to splatter me with it.  I also learned I needed to arm myself with an apron and some diaper wipes for quick clean-up.

He does raspberries all the time now and it really is sorta interfering with mealtimes. Not really sure how to deal with it, except to hope that he outgrows it quickly and figures something else new to occupy himself with.  I'd love to hear from other mom's what they did.  So far I've tried saying "no spitting", "no, not during mealtime" (both yield blank stares), using a stern voice (yielded me a funny look), and stopping the feeding (he could care less). I've also tried not reacting to him doing it - but he'll do them in the car when he's alone in the backseat, he'll do them when he's in his crib and I'm in the other room. So me not caring or reacting has no impact on him doing them.  I really think they're cute, I just wish he'd not do them during meals.