Meltdown Day

Today was a meltdown day for me. Sometimes I just get a little homesick and sad. Today was one of those days.

It started off as a great day.

I took Mr Man to a park not far from here - and I must say it is a gorgeous park. There are a bunch of soccer/football/baseball fields, tennis courts, walking trails, tracks, picnic areas and the mother-load of all playgrounds.  Mr Man had his first swing ride and we played under a tree for a good while.

Then we came home and it hit me that its my first Mother's day this weekend. I should be happy right? I am. truly. But I'm also sad. I miss my mom, my family, my grandma. I can't help it but I do. This being a year of firsts, I'd love to have a picture of me/mom/Mr Man on Mother's Day - but instead I just have to show a 6mo old a picture of his grandma. Bummer.

We'll be going over to Sam's brother's on Sunday to spend time with his family. That'll be fun - its always so nice to spend time with them and all the kiddos. But at the same time, I'm saddened to not be able to see my family.

It was also a meltdown day for Mr Man. Second day in a row actually. I'm sorta wondering if his teeth will be cutting through soon. I can't really see any difference in his gums but he seems in a lot of pain when its time to eat and he woke up shrieking just a little bit ago. Thinking maybe his teeth, we tried some baby Ora-gel and it seemed to calm him immediately. Well and some momma snuggles too :) I'll keep an eye on things.

Sam and I were supposed to have a date night today with Mr Man. But I sorta canceled it due to me just being so 'blah'. We'll resume date night tomorrow.

I'll try to upload some pics later from our day at the park.

RANNNNNTTTTTT

Sorry for my rant, I just can't help it. What is the deal with infant boys clothing?

What is it with the lack of seriously adorable boy baby clothes. Are there just 75x more girls born than boys? Do mothers out there refuse to clothe boy babies or something? Seriously though, I do NOT understand the disparity in infant boys clothing in relation to the amount of girl clothing and the vast variety of girls clothing.

Here's the thing. If you don't know what I'm talking about do this. Go into any baby store clothing section - Target/WalMart/Old Navy/Macy's/Nordstrom, heck even Costco etc. Count the number of  racks of girls clothes/dresses. Then count up the number of boys.  It is like a 7:1 ratio. I'm talking infant side only - the youth side seems to even out a bit.

I scoured probably 15 stores from February onward looking for a cute Easter outfit for Mr Man. I wanted a little sweater vest (preferably argyle style), a little shirt and maybe some khakis (blue or beige or something). If an adorable hat/shoes happened to match - wahoo.

Okay so that sort of outfit exists pretty easily for a boy of 12-18+ months. NO store had such an outfit in the 6-9mo range. None. But oh, they had 3843294798 racks of dresses for little girls in all sorts of colors/styles/lengths.  Ugh-Guh.

Do they think that baby boys don't exist on Easter? I mean there wasn't anything even related to Easter cuteness for a little infant boy.  The closest thing I found was the cute little unisex bunny sleeper that I got (picture is a couple posts down) at Target.  Do they think that little infant boys should be clad in some brown onesie with a dinosaur on it on Easter?
I mean, at the very least they could do up a little onesie/pant combo with say a baby blue or butter yellow top and maybe some navy/khaki bottoms and do like I dunno a bunny 'logo' on the top or something (think Polo shirt style). I mean, even that would have been better than nothing.

Holidays aside, I'm pretty positive that I currently own every style of Carter's 6-9mo boys sleepers and all the 'gender neutral' ones also. And I'm pretty positive that it pales in comparison to the number of girls sleepers. Considering at most stores there is 1 rack of  boy/neutral sleepers (combined) and about 3-4 racks of girl sleepers.

...Don't even get me started on the pants....

Cinco de what?

No margaritas here tonight :( I had this really yummy Margarita Shrimp meal all planned out for tonight - but that all got sidetracked. So, I'll make that tomorrow instead!

Had a rough day at PT - felt like I had rubber legs walking out. In fact, I wasn't sure I would actually be able to walk out. But I did. And then my legs were all wobbly while driving.

So I did what any really tired momma would do: I went to Kohl's to get a couple things before heading home. 

Did you really think I'd do something sensible like, oh, go home and rest? 

I mean, its Kohl's cash we're talking about here! ...kidding...
I got some clothes for Mr. Man on clearance - 4 outfits for like ~$15. One of them seriously cost me $1.40. Not even joking.

Aside from being super tired today, PT seems to be going well enough. Some days I feel real good, some days I'm real sore. Its a process!

And with that, I'm off to get some rest. Finally.

Remembering the St.John's

I should have posted this last night but I didn't.

Saturday was a tough day. It marked 2 years since my beloved Grandma St.John passed away. I think of her all the time. I miss her so badly. I tell Mr Man all the time about his wonderful Great-Grandma in Heaven. Boy oh boy how she would love him. I hope Grandpa found her there and that they are happy and that instead he is telling her how wonderful her great-grandson on earth is.

My grandpa, Jim, passed away just this past March 15 after a long battle with lung cancer. I was so, so thankful that he came out to visit us over Thanksgiving. Not only did he get to meet his great-grandson, he also went and got to see the WWII memorial here in DC that he so badly had wanted to visit before he passed.

So so thankful for this picture and being able to spend that time with him. Thanks Dad/Lulu for that.

6 Months

Today is Mr. Man's 6 month birthday! (well at 10:26pm tonight, technically)

My how time flies. I can't believe its been 6 months already. It seems like yesterday we brought him home from the hospital.

I tell him all the time to stay this little. It won't happen, of course, but a girl can dream!
That way mommy can always hold him, protect him, snuggle with him.
Right now he is perfect. He only knows love, kindness, smiles and good things. Like any parent, we don't want our children to experience hurt, anger, sadness, loss and all the other things that also come along in life. The opposite of love.

Yet as much as I want to keep him a baby forever, I'm so excited each day as he gets older and I get so tickled watching him learn and grow.

I love the expressions on his face as he concentrates on spinning his whirly-gigs on his saucer, remembering how to jump in his bouncer and figuring out that his toys make sounds. I love seeing the delight on his face when he finds his feet and can re-stuff them back in his mouth. Or when I come in to get him after he wakes up - oh the pure joy and smiles he gives.

No matter how tired I am, cranky, sad, happy or busy- his little gummy smile puts one right on my face. Joy and laughter abound when I'm with Mr. Man.

Everyone who sees him when we're out comments on what a delightful and smiley guy he is. And he is. He is pure bliss.

When I first met Sam, I was so thankful and felt so blessed. I wasn't sure life could be better. But I'm telling you - this little guy, he makes every day perfect and whole. He may be 6 months old, but he has taught me so much already. He gives me strength, energy, joy and pure love.

Life is perfect. Happy 6 month birthday my love. I can't wait to see you in the morning and every day after that as you grow.

Also found some video I took and strung it all together. Not professional by any means, but it'll do.



Also, because its cute. Yep that's my boy this week falling asleep in the Jumparoo. Tuckered himself out.

And because I forgot to post up some Easter shots, here you go:

When does the anxiety end? Does it end?

When I was pregnant with Mr. Man I was so anxious:
  Will I miscarry again?
   Is his heart beating?
   He's not moving like usual, is he okay? (followed by making Sam come and talk to my tummy to get Mr. Man moving again when I'd get to the totally freaked out stage)
   Is he kicking enough? When did he last move? He normally has moved by now...oh, whew, there it is.
   What are the chances of cord problems? Are you sure that's not going to be an issue doctor?
   My hips hurt so bad and he is so big- can I deliver this baby? Will I have to have a C-section?
   Will I have problems after I deliver him - with my hips?
   How will I deal with a tri-level house after a C-section and a newborn to take care of? (thanks again Mom/Lulu)

Now that Mr. Man is here I am still so anxous:
  Is he breathing?
  Is that sound normal?
  Should he be coughing? Does that mean he's sick?
  Is he getting enough to eat? (*laugh*)
  Is he breathing?
  Will he forgive me for clipping his finger when I tried to trim his nails the first time?
  Am I a bad mommy for letting him cry while I try and take a shower?
  Will he ever sleep through the night? (aka when will I sleep longer than 4 hours)
  Is he breathing?
  When does the SIDS fear end?
  How do people who make less than us raise more children than we do with less than we have?(kids are 'spensive)
   Am I getting enough photographs of him?
   Is he breathing?
 

I've always been a worrier. I can't help it. I worry all day, throughout the day and into the night.
I worry for myself and my family. I worry for friends. I worry for co-workers. I worry for strangers. I worry for those people who stand by the road begging for money - the ones who really truly need it. I worry for the people running our country. I worry for people who put their lives on the line every day at their jobs.  I worry for people in other homes/cities/states/countries. I worry for other children in the world. I worry for people who have lost their children/parents/siblings/friends. I worry for my enemies. I worry for friends lost. I weep when I see physically and mentally handicapped men/women/children- I worry for them so. I worry about decisions made, things said, things thought about. I worry about so many things I can't even imagine.
These are a lot of my worries, but don't fret, I'm not like compulsive or whatever. I just worry.
And then I pray. I pray for all of them. And then I pray for God. Yes to Him, but also for Him. He has more worries than I and I worry for Him.

Since bringing Mr. Man home from the hospital however I've definitely had to use my night-guard. My anxiety and worry is so great for him that I've chipped my teeth from clenching and wake with headaches all too often. I have to catch myself during the day clenching my teeth so hard. 

My biggest worry to date is: Is he breathing? I bet you couldn't tell that from my list there. heh.

Like today for instance. He took a really long nap- we're talking like 2+ hours of nap. It felt odd to me, he normally naps for only 40ish minutes. 60 minutes is a long nap for him. So at about at the 2 hour mark I had to run upstairs to watch him breathe. I'm so paranoid about his breathing - even though there has been nothing over the past 6 months to truly cause any sort of alarm.

I know the saying is that you never stop worrying about your children...but does it ever lessen a little bit?
Is this the typical "first time mom" syndrome still or just a mommy-hood trait?

When does the SIDS threat end? That's my big question for Mr. Man's pediatrician this month. When can I at least relax a little bit?

Energized

I had my first P/T visit today - lasted nearly an hour. I feel good and energized. Not sure if its the P/T solely or also the steroids I'm on for this week to try and get rid of all the inflammation in my hips. But either way, I feel pretty good despite the fact that I couldn't sleep last night.

On my way home I saw that the Kentlands is going to have a Baby Bazaar on 5/15. Need to put that on the calendar to attend!

Sam's off to the gym. I'm off to run some errands with Mr. Man. Enjoy the weekend. Going to try to wash the car and do a bunch of cooking later today.

Money saving list

I did some blogging around tonight and came across a TON of great ways to save money. Thanks Kelly'sKorner.

Time to get my tookus in gear and get to implementing.